The Writers' Strike Can't Touch These Awards...

All-Star Weekend, Feb. 15-17 marks the “unofficial” halfway point of the NBA season. But with most teams having played 41 out of 82 games, the regular season is sadly half over. I won’t bore you with my MVP, Coach and Rookie awards of the midseason. Who am I kidding, yeah I will. Pundits and non-experts alike will agree with most of these picks. There’s no real mystery here:

MVP – Kobe Bryant
Coach of the Year – Nate McMillan
Rookie of the Year – Kevin Durant
Biggest surprise – New Orleans Hornets (above)
Biggest disappointment – Chicago Bulls

That said, it’s time to hand out some fictitious hardware, cuz that’s always fun, right?

In & Out Cheeseburger Award – Marcus Camby, Nuggets.
On Jan. 17 vs. Utah, Camby had the most “Animal Style” double-double of the year, posting 24 rebounds and 11 blocks. He leads the league in rebounds and blocks, and has reached 20+ rebounds a whopping 10 times this year. The man eats glass like he’s trying to set a weird Guiness record.

Thank God I Had the No. 10 Pick In My Fantasy Draft This Year Award – Chris Paul, Hornets. Woe to those fantasy owners who took Gilbert Arenas, or Dirk Nowitzki, or Yao Ming with their top pick this year. The steal of all drafts has been Paul, who is first in all draft rankings at this point in the season. (And yes, I own him. And no, he’s not going anywhere…)

Hottest Spaniard Since Penelope Cruz Award – Jose Calderon, Raptors.

There were many who even before the year thought that Calderon should have been starting for the Raptors. T.J. Ford’s unfortunate neck injury made it a moot point, and Calderon has done nothing to disappoint. He leads the league in assist/turnover ratio at 5.54, and has averaged 14 points and 10 assists in January.

The Nene Hilario Can’t Stay Healthy Award – Nene, Nuggets.

After missing six weeks earlier this season with a broken thumb, sadly Nene was again sidelined with what turned out to be testicular cancer. ESPN analyst J.A. Adande recently wrote a telling column about the tragedy of such a talented player being betrayed by his gift – his own body. Our thoughts and prayers for a speedy recovery. When he’s healthy, there isn’t a more beastly big man in the league at coming off the pick and roll. See for yourself.

The David Hasselhoff Most Unexpected Comeback Award – Joe Smith, Bulls.

A former No. 1 pick with the Warriors in 1995, Smith has been an NBA journeyman since 2000, logging minutes with the Timberwolves, Bucks, Pistons, Nuggets, Sixers and Bulls. His numbers aren’t staggering (10.5 ppg / 5 rebs), but Smith has played well enough to keep talented youngsters Tyrus Thomas and Joakim Noah on the bench.

The What Did I Do To Deserve This? Award – Paul Davis, Clippers.

Davis was a decent player at Michigan State. He was drafted in the second round in 2006 by the Clippers and has done nothing of significance in the League. But one has to wonder whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing that this is what he’s most famous for – getting dunked on by Dwyane Wade for Gatorade’s benefit.


The Wait A Second, who Dropped 40 Points? Award – Linas Kleiza, Nuggets.

In the same game vs. Utah in which Camby went nutty, Kleiza did as well, shooting 13-21, including four 3-pointers en route to 41 points. He added nine rebounds in the contest. Kleiza has filled in admirably for an injured Carmelo Anthony recently, scoring 20+ points in three of his last five games.

The Kevin Costner Fallen Star Award – Steve Francis, Rockets.

In the early 90s, was there a bigger movie star on the planet than Costner, who pumped out Dances With Wolves, Field of Dreams, Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves, and JFK to name a few. Now? Nothing.

The same could once be said for “Stevie Franchise,” who from 1999-2005 averaged approximately 19 point, 6 rebounds and 6 assists on the daily. He was an explosive offensive force and potential Hall of Famer. But after burning bridges in Orlando and New York, Francis returned to Houston and has gotten run in 10 games this season, but none since Dec. 15. Good thing he got that $30M buyout from Portland earlier this summer. More like Stevie Fran-cheese!

The Mary Kate and Ashely Most Annoying Twins Award – Jason (Nets) and Jarron (Jazz) Collins. Jarron is averaging 2.1 points and 1.9 rebounds per game. Jason is averaging 1.3 points and 2.1 rebounds per game. Really? Do we need the Collins Twins taking up roster spots in the league? Did these guys each get only one half of the talent of actual person? NBA: Where splitting human embryos happens.

The “Samson” Award For Beard Strength – Baron Davis, Warriors.

Baron Davis started growing a beard two years ago. Before that time, basketball card manufacturers were actually printing Baron Davis – INJ on his cards. Harnessing the strength tantamount to the long-haired Biblical strongman, Davis’ 20-point, 8 assist per game averages over the last two years have helped Golden State’s resurgence. Many will speculate about the turnaround, but I have my own theory.

The “My Super Sweet 16” Award For Spoiled Brats – Stephon Marbury, Knicks.

The drama with the Knicks, and with Marbury specifically, has gone from the ridiculous to the surreal. From public feuds with his coaches Larry Brown and now Isaiah Thomas, inexplicably leaving the team upon finding that he was being removed from the starting lineup, reportedly threatening to blackmail Thomas if he wasn’t inserted as a starter, to admitting to luring a young Knicks intern into his car for a sexual encounter, Steph needs to drop the entitled millionaire, Veruca Salt act and fast. Recent surgery on his ankle will keep him out indefinitely, but upon his return, for whatever team it may be, NBA fans are begging him to just play ball and make shoes.

The “Arrested Development” Better Enjoy It While It Lasts Award – New Orleans Hornets. After beating Denver last night, the Hornets now sit atop the Western Conference with a 32-12 record. Chris Paul is a legit MVP candidate. Tyson Chandler is playing the best basketball of his career. Peja Stojakovic is back to being Peja Stojakovic. And David West is a potential All-Star and still one of the more underrated players in the league. And guess what? It might not matter if the organization decides to relocate.

Despite re-signing a leasing agreement with the State of Louisiana that would keep the team in New Orleans until 2014, the team can opt out of that lease if certain attendance figures aren’t met. Owner George Shinn has expressed his desire to keep the team in the Big Easy, but it’s understandable that the people of New Orleans might not see spending money to support an NBA franchise as a top priority. Even still, CP3 and Co. has made the rest of the league stand up and take notice, and should be applauded.

The “Movin’ On Up” Award – Al Jefferson, Timberwolves.

Appropriately, there’s another Jefferson who’s finally got a piece of the pie, and it’s not George or Wheezy. Big Al has become one of the best low post scorers in the Association. If he played in the Eastern Conference, he’d be an All-Star for sure. After having a mini-breakout last season, he’s ballin’ to the tune of 21 and 12, with 1.3 blocks this campaign. On Jan. 23 against Phoenix, Jefferson dropped 39 points and had 15 rebounds. Four nights later, he went one better, netting a career-high 40 points and grabbing 19 boards. Yeah, I think it’s safe to say he’s arrived and Minnesota has found its next franchise player.

And just because it’s fun to play devil’s advocate, Kevin Garnett is only averaging 19 points and 10 rebounds this year. I’m just saying…

Enjoy the second half, kids.