N-B-A to Z

Smack dab in the middle of the NFL season, one of the greatest things in life happened. Basketball is back, baby. Though the2008-09 NBA season is already three weeks young, I thought I’d give my annual preview. Will the C's repeat? No. Will the Global Icon take home the MVP? Yes. Will Shaq lead the league in amazing quotes? Of course. Here are a few more random thoughts on the L. This time, I’m rolling it out Sesame Street style.


A: Artest. He’s exactly what they needed, but can he keep the crazy bottled up long enough to help Houston contend for a title? Everyone is talking about the Rockets as a sleeper this year. They’ve got 3 of the Top 25 players in the league on their roster. Believe me, no one is napping .


B: Beards! Spurs coach Greg Popovich is the early season leader for Beard of the Year. Old guy beard for an old guy team. It’s a perfect fit.


C: College All-Star team, as in exactly what the Charlotte Bobcats are. Just look at their roster. Emeka Okafor, Sean May, Raymond Felton, Adam Morrison, DJ Augustin, Jared Dudley. Not bad, right? But with no experience and no chemistry, they’ll struggle. Again. Have fun Larry Brown!


D: Depth for Days, as in the Los Angeles Lakers bench. With a healthy Andrew Bynum in tow, the Lakers can trot out: Jordan Farmar, Sasha Vujacic, Luke Walton, Lamar Odom, and Trevor Ariza on their second unit. That team could beat the Bobcats, Grizzlies, and Thunder themselves. Oh yeah, the Lakers also have the best player on the planet in their arsenal. Anything less than a championship this year is a disappointment. Period.


E: Europe. What’s the chance that more and more players start pulling a reverse-Beckham and heading overseas to play in the Euroleague? Former Hawk Josh Childress already did the deed, as has been well documented. Even Kobe and LeBron have made statements about playing in Europe if they are offered contracts in the €30 million/year range (roughly $38M). Will they? Highly unlikely. But don’t be surprised if you start to see aging NBA stars take the euros and run, in their last attempt to cash a huge paycheck.

(I’m talking to you Shaq. And Steph. And Jason Kidd.)


F: Free Throws, as in they can kill your fantasy team if you draft Dwight Howard. Sure, he’s the hands down best center in the league, but is he worth wasting a first-round pick on in order to punt a category? I don’t have him, so I could care less. Don’t say I didn’t warn you though.


G: German Engineering. Believe it or not, the Mavericks will run less with Jason Kidd in tow this year. He’s much better in the halfcourt than the player he was traded for, Devin Harris, which means a big year for Dirk Nowitzki. Get ready to see more post play from the best shooting 7-footer in the league’s history. Huge numbers for Dirk. Deutsche Bank on it.


H: Hijacked, as in exactly what happened to the fine people of Seattle, when their beloved Sonics were stolen away from them and dropped into the middle of…Oklahoma? Take solace though. Vengeance will be yours when the Grizzlies relocate to The Emerald City in a few years. Just think, OJ Mayo in his prime. OJ Mayo in his prime. OJ Mayo in…


I: Ink, as in tattoos. I’m not really going out on a limb that the Denver Nuggets have more tattoos per player than any team in the history of the league. From K-Mart, to Melo, to JR Smith, and even A.I. when he was there, it’s preposterous how much ink is flowing through their veins. Even their white guy looks like this.


J: Jump, as in these are the guys who will make the jump from good young players to superstars this year: Rudy Gay, Danny Granger, Deron Williams, Kevin Durant, Joe Johnson, Al Jefferson, Andre Iguodala.


K: King James. I’ve been calling for it for the last two years now, but this is the year LeBron wins the MVP. He’s the most difficult matchup since MJ, and after being so close the last two seasons is beyond hungry to lead his team to glory.

L: Last Chance, as in the last chance for the Pistons to win a title with their current roster. An influx of young talent (Rodney Stuckey, Amir Johnson, Jason Maxiell) will certainly help, but if A.I., Rip, ‘Sheed and Tayshaun can’t get it done this year, expect Deee-trooooit Baskeeeet-baaaaall to have a whole new look in 2009-10.


M:Madison Square Garden will once again be filled with cheering Knicks fans, as Mike D’Antoni’s system does wonders for the careers of Jamal Crawford, David Lee, Nate Robinson, and surprisingly, Zach Randolph. A playoff appearance is not out of the question. They DO play in the East, remember.


N: New, as in the incredible amount of new talent in the league this year. From Mayo to Michael Beasley, to Kevin Love, to Eric Gordon, to Derrick Rose, to Greg Oden, this year’s crop of rookies could turn out to be one of the best ever. And I didn’t even mention the Lopez sisters!


O: Old, as in the San Antonio Spurs. Here’s how the Spurs roster looks age wise: Bruce Bowen (37), Tim Duncan (32), Michael Finley (35), Manu Ginobli (31), Francisco Oberto (33), Kurt Thomas (36), Jacque Vaughn (33). I’m sorry, that’s not an NBA team, that’s the cast of Cocoon in basketball years. Yeah, I’d say the Spurs Championship Boat has sailed. Who’s up for a game of chess in the park?


P: Phoenix, but not what you’re thinking. This phoenix will rise from the ashes and re-emerge as the game’s most clutch performer, as Dwyane Wade leads the Miami Heat back to prominence and a playoff appearance. I mean, did you SEE him in Beijing? Best player on the floor. In every game. Even the ones he didn’t play in.


Q: Quest, as in quest for a championship. Since Ray Ray, Big Ticket and the Truth all got their title last year (just an quick aside: doesn’t Ray Ray, Big Ticket, and the Truth sound like ambiguous hip-hop artists in a Wu-Tang Clan-style supergroup?) the best “players who never won a title” are now JKidd, Steve Nash, Allen Iverson, Baron Davis, Jermaine O’Neal, and Raef LaFrentz. Just checking to see if you’re still with me. Sadly, unless some kind of minor miracle happens, neither of those guys will get to hold the Larry O’Brien this season either.


R: Razors, as in new look haircuts for Carmelo Anthony and Adam Morrison. Let’s hope, for Morisson’s sake, that he can have a reverse Samson- like revival. He gets a trim and all of a sudden starts playing like a lottery pick again.


S: Spanish Conquistadors. Pau Gasol could win a title this season. Jose Calderon could lead the league in assists. And forget Greg Oden, Rudy Fernandez is the rookie that is gonna make Blazers fans feel all warm and cozy in their fuzzy flannel shirts. With Espana’s win in the Euro 2008 and Rafael Nadal’s dominance on the tennis court, Spain has become the new America! Let’s go grab some tapas.


T: Trades. The season is only three weeks old and there has already been one blockbuster move, with the Pistons acquiring Allen Iverson from the Nuggets for Chauncey Billups, Antonio McDyess (who has since been bought out), and Cheik Samb. The move has immediately helped Denver, as they finally have the natural point guard that coach George Karl has long craved. Since CB4’s (I guess now it’s CB7) arrival, the Nuggs are 7-1. He has stabilized a frantic offense and has given them a more defensive presence.

Meanwhile, the Pistons are 4-3 with “Chuck” in tow, but two of those wins have been prominent. They snapped Cleveland’s 8-game win streak, and handed the Lakers their first loss of the season in a 106-95 drubbing. With Detroit likely dismantling its roster after this season, having one of the game’s best scorers in crunch time might help them outlast the Cavs and Celtics in the East.


U: Utah, as in the only place the Jazz can actually win games. Deron Williams, Carlos Boozer and company were an astounding 37-4 on their home court, but a paltry 17-24 on the road. Must be all of that alcohol that they can actually drink when outside of the Beehive State that keeps them off of their game. They are still undoubtedly one of the best teams in the West, but learning to win on the road will be key to their title aspirations.


V: Vinny Del Negro (aka Vinny Del Fuego, Vinny Del Torcho) is back in our lives, thankfully! As head coach of the Chicago Bulls, the popular former shooting guard gets to lead a young, athletic bunch of upstarts. God Bless you, John Paxson. You made the right decision.


W: Williams. Williams has become the new Smith, so to speak, with a league-high nine players sporting the popular surname. From All-Stars (Deron) to lottery picks (Marvin, Jason), to great role players (Sean, Marcus, Mo), to crappy former Dookies (Shelden), this group has it all. Speaking of Shelden, he has officially become the first man in the history of the league to not even be the best basketball player in his own relationship.


X: X, as in the Xavier University tattoo adorning the arm of New Orleans Hornets power forward David West, who emerged as one of the league’s up and coming 4s last year. His play, along with a near MVP performance from Chris Paul, made the Hornets the league’s best story. He will be a major “X Factor” as well this year, as they try to win the loaded Western Conference.


Y: Yi, as in Jianlian. Just wanted to let you know that he is, in fact, still in the league, after being traded to the Nets. He goes from being the tallest Asian man in Wisconsin, to the tallest Asian man in New Jersey. Moving on up.


Z: Zero, as in zero chance that Agent Zero can help the Washington Wizards until January. It might not even matter, as the Wiz haven’t shown enough consistency to advance past the second round of the playoffs. But it could also work to Gilbert’s advantage, as he seems to thrive when people hate on him. And there’s a grip of haters out there right now, because of Hibachi’s bum knee.

There's No Dodging This Draft Diary

(NOTE: This post was published a full week after the draft. It was written in real-time, however. Hey it takes a while to post photos and links!)

(AP Photo/Seth Wenig)

Yay! I LOVE THE NBA DRAFT!

The suspense, the trades, the anticipation for next year. It’s all great. I’m watching it with my buddy Jeremy, with his lovely wife looking on while slaving over a hot stove. Atta boy Jeremy! Let’s document the occasion with a little running diary.

There’s already been a little shakeup in the last couple days that could affect the lottery. The Raptors shipped TJ Ford, Toronto’s first pick (No. 17) and Rasho Nesterovic to Indiana for Jermaine O’Neal. Now, the Pacers likely won’t draft a point guard now with its pick, No. 11.

Today, the Nets shipped Richard Jefferson to Milwaukee for Bobby Simmons and last year’s No. 6 pick, Yi Jianlian. This move was primarily done to set up salary cap space for the summer of 2010, when a Mr. LeBron James becomes a free agent. After all, as Jay-Z said in Do U Wanna Ride, “My Young’n is LeBron.”

Rose or Beasley? Beasley or Rose? Who’s it gonna be for the Chicago Bulls?

4:00 – The coverage has begun. ESPN is pulling out all the stops. The panel of commentators is Stu Scott, Jay Bilas, Jeff Van Gundy and Mark Jackson. By the way, in HD Stu Scott’s glass eye is just creepy. It’s all you can look at. From here on out, he will be referred to as Stu Scott’s Eye.

4:05 – Andy Katz is on the scene reporting from Chicago. He tells us that the Bulls have made a decision and that the pick is going to be Derrick Rose. Good choice. There would have been rioting in the streets had they passed over the hometown boy.

4:06 – We see a shot of the Bulls war room. It’s good to see that new coach Vinny Del Torcho dressed up for the occasion, sporting an all white polo golf shirt.

4:12 – OJ Mayo is interviewed. He looks sharp although the beard is kinda painted on. By the way, did we all know that OJ is 21? He’s a college freshman. What happened to those other two years?

4:15 – There’s lots of talking going on right now. The draft won’t start for another 15 minutes. Coleen Dominguez is reporting from Seattle saying that owner Clay Bennett is on his way to the war room. Ummm…why exactly? We’ve seen all the evidence we need to know that that soulless liar, whose pants are continually on fire, doesn’t care about the Sonics. Why show up?

4:30 – David Stern announces that the Bulls are on the clock. He also says welcome to Madison Square Garden, home of the New York Knicks and the New York Liberty. Isn’t that a waste of electricity? Can’t the Liberty play in a high school gym somewhere? C’mon New York! It’s a little something called Global Warming.

4:36 – Bulls take Derrick Rose. He’s the total package. Speed, strength, athleticism, freckles.

4:41 – Rose is interviewed by Stephen A. Smith, who says that he gets to play in the “house that Jordan built.” Rose replies that “it will be nice to be in his presence.” Funny, I didn’t know the Bulls moved to Vegas. That seems to be the only place that Michael hangs out now. Well, that and on the Hanes set with Cuba Gooding Jr.

4:43 – Heat on the clock. Will it be Beasley? You can’t possibly pass him up, can you? They don’t. Despite reports that Pat Riley didn’t want him, he’s got him now.

4:45 – T’Wolves up next. They’re stacked at the guard positions with Randy Foye, Rashad McCants, Corey Brewer, Sebastian Telfair, Marko Jaric’s contract. Do they really take Mayo? I say yes. It’s way too early for Lopez or Randolph or any of the other stiffs up front.

4:49 – Mayo is the pick. He’s probably going to be the best pro of all these boys. We’ll look back 10 years from now and I’ll be proven right. I’m serious. Bookmark this page and in 2018 on draft night, go back to it. Can we agree to that?

4:50 – Seattle is up next. There were rumors that this pick was going to be swapped for the Clippers’ No. 7 and other considerations. Looks like the Oklahoma City Oil Wells are on the clock though. They need help in the backcourt. My guess is its Russell Westbrook from UCLA.

4:55 – It’s Westbrook. He should start immediately at point guard for Seattle, and won’t have to work too hard to beat out Earl Watson’s corpse and the artist formerly known as Luke Ridnour. He’s not a natural 1, a playmaker type. But he’ll be able to run Seattle’s offense, which is basically give the ball to 35, get the heck out of the way.

4:58 – Memphis is up. This could be interesting as rumors have had lots of teams moving up into this spot. One thing we do know is that the pick will NOT be point guards Jerryd Bayless or DJ Augustine. Of course, with Conley, Lowry and Crittendon all in the fold, they might be trying to round out the whole roster with little guys. My guess is Brook Lopez, filling the Darko Milicic-shaped hole in the middle of their lineup.

5:01 – It’s Kevin Love, making it two straight Bruins. He should help Memphis because he knows how to play. Not the most athletic player in the world, but he won’t have to be to do what will make him successful. Rebound, get easy buckets, start the fast break.

5:04 – Love tells Stephen A that he has a winning attitude and he “feels like a winner.” That won’t last long in Memphis.

5:06 – Knicks are up. I have no idea what they’re gonna do. Can they just forfeit their pick in exchange for the league swallowing Stephon Marbury’s contract?

5:07 – Stern: “With the sixth pick (Knicks fans cheering), in the 2008 NBA Draft (Knicks fans cheering), the New York Knicks (Knicks fans cheering), select (pause for effect), Danilo Gallinari (Knicks fans booing and hurling insults.) This is Frederic Weis all over again. For those of you who don't know who Weis is, he was selected by the Knicks in the first round in 1999, but never signed with them or played one game in the NBA. He's also the one in this clip who isn't doing the dunking!

5:09 – Fran Frachilla, who knows Gallinari’s game well said that one day he will be seen as the next Derek Jeter in this town. Jeremy just said, “Really, he’s gonna be the next great supermodel-dating shortstop?”

5:12 – Clips are up next. It’s gotta be Bayless here. Eric Gordon can’t play point guard, and I don’t know how they can trust Shaun Livingston’s glass knee. And of course, because they’re the Clippers, they take Gordon. Shocking. Brevin Knight better strap it up for one more year. Somewhere Clippers fans are, well, feeling like Clippers fans.

5:16 – Hey, did you guys know that new Knicks coach Mike D’Antoni knows Gallinari’s father? Stu Scott’s Eye just told us for the 117th time.

5:17 – Milwaukee is up. Who cares? Joe Alexander. So much for them taking him so he could communicate with Yi, after growing up in Asia. Joe looks like a good ole boy who loves an ice cold beer. He’ll fit in nicely in Milwaukee.

5:20 – Stu Scott’s Eye just asked Stephen A how his English was, to which he stammered all over his words and sounded like Danilo Gallinari. Well played by one of ESPN’s top basketball analysts.

5:22 – Michael Jordan’s cute little pet project, The Charlotte Bobcats, are up next. They have a tendency to take the most overhyped, sure-to-be-a-bust pick, so it’s gotta be Brook Lopez, right?

5:24 – Stu Scott’s Eye points out that both Larry Brown and Michael Jordan are Tar Heels. Thanks for the news flash, Stu Scott’s Eye. The Bobcats take DJ Augustin. Ridiculously stupid decision. Why do they even let Michael Jordan do anything front office related?

5:25 – Van Gundy just said that they needed someone to back up Raymond Felton. That sounds like a good roster spot to send the No. 9 pick in a loaded draft on.

5:29 – Jeremy, a die-hard Portland fan, just said “Dammit! Michael Jordan hates the Blazers. He screwed us again!” He was hoping that Augustin would fall to the them at No. 13, giving his beloved Blazers the point guard they need.

5:30 – The Nets take Brook Lopez, who looked like he was crying after getting passed over by the BETCats. Wipe your tears, even though you still got a broad’s name!

5:32 – His sister Robin Lopez just said he got a good idea what it would be like being drafted by seeing Brook go and shake the commissioner’s hand. “I can’t wait till I can go up there,” he added. Well, I can’t wait till you don't make a team and have to spend a year in Fort Worth or Bakersfield.

5:35 – Bayless is the pick for the Pacers. They just got TJ Ford yesterday to play point, so they will use him to give some scoring punch off the bench. I think Darrell Arthur would have been a better pick to give some front court depth, but you can’t argue with this pick. Bayless is a great value at 11.

5:38 – The Kings are up next. They have to be stewing that both Augustin and Bayless are gone, when it looked like they were going to be able to have their point guard of the future. They have to take a look at Arthur now, to give them a scoring threat to complement the Kevin Martin/John Salmons/Francisco Garcia exactly-the-same-kind-of-player troika.

5:41 – Here’s the pick: Jason Thompson from Rider. After the pick, Stern tells us, “Jason is not here.” Gee, ya think? I don’t even know where Rider is. He’s big apparently. Athletic too. OK.

5:44 – Jeremy’s Blazers are on the clock and needless to say, he’s nervous. He’s hoping for Brandon Rush, a defensive guy who is unselfish and can knock down shots. Think of him as the anti-Martell Webster. Kevin Pritchard could start to wheel and deal at this point too, as he’s known for shaking things up if he can’t get his guy.

5:46 – Pick’s in. Let’s see who it is. It’s Rush. Jeremy’s happy. He’ll be able to come in and contribute right away and could replace James Jones, who opted for free agency today.

5:48 – Stephen A just called Brandon Rush “Greg Oden.” I know he knows the difference, but jeez, he’s getting paid a lot of money to do it right. He’s awful.

5:50 – Golden State is up. There were rumors that they were shopping Baron Davis to Detroit for Chauncey Billups and Rasheed Wallace. If you’re Chris Mullin, how do you not do that in a second? Must have been all smoke, which most trade rumors are.

5:51 – Bilas predicts Anthony Randolph. I disagree since he seems to be the exact same player as Brandan Wright. Let’s see….And Bilas gets it! He’s the only Duke guy who I wouldn’t hit in the head with a ball-peen hammer if given the chance. So, I guess that counts for something.

5:54 – Vitale gets on TV in a too-red shirt and shows off his boner for Kevin Love, saying that Seattle will regret not taking Love at No. 4 when they already have Collison, Wilcox and 7 or 8 French centers on their roster. Stick with yelling into a microphone Dick. By the way, I’m glad your throat feels better. I love you.

5:57 – The Suns take Robin Lopez leading to an awkward moment when he tries to slip a baseball cap on over his Sideshow Bob melon. What is Steve Kerr doing to this franchise? There was a graphic that said that Robin is a collector of Disney memorabilia. He’ll be able to put his Suns hat on the mantle next to his authentic Lion King lithograph, and his ceramic “Princess Memories” doll collection, featuring Ariel, Mulan, and Jasmine.

6:03 – Philadelphia takes Maurice Speights from Florida. At this point, I’m kind of disinterested. There are no real great guys left and the rest of the teams are playoff teams. He’s big and I guess he can spell Sam Dalembert. Can’t argue.

6:09 – Toronto takes Roy Hibbert, who will be sent to Indiana as part of the O’Neal/Ford deal. He’ll help bring some beef to the Pacers. Not figuratively, either. He will literally be the one making late night burger runs for Marquis Daniels and Jamaal Tinsley after a night of partying.

6:16 – Washington is on the clock. The pick is in and they take JaVelle McGhee from Nevada, which essentially ends the Etan Thomas era.

6:17 – There’s been a trade: Kevin Pritchard do what he do on draft night once again. He’s the best. Portland gets the rights to Jerryd Bayless and forward Ike Diogu from Indiana, in exchange for the rights to Brandon Rush and point guard Jarret Jack. So now, the Blazers can trot out a lineup of Bayless, Roy, Outlaw, Aldridge, and Oden, which will be unbeatable in four years. It’s Rush Hour in Indianapolis, as Brandon joins brother Kareem.

6:22 – Cleveland takes JJ Hickson to join the fighting LeBrons. He’s a former NC State Wolfpack power forward. Which would be fine except that they cut Cedric Simmons, a former NC State Wolfpack power forward. Does this pick really make them better? Possibly. Hickson can take some of Joe Smith’s minutes and give them a little more youth. But LeBron is just biding his time anyway until he can peace out of Cleveland in a couple years.

6:27 – The Bobcats are up next. This pick was supposed to go to my beloved Denver Nuggets, but they traded it for a future 1st round pick.

(Since I don’t care who gets picked right here (Alexis Anjica, BFD), I’m gonna use the rest of this blog to discuss some of the recent Nuggets draft day blunders.

I’m convinced that Denver has the worst front office in the NBA. The only reason they are a 50-win team is because they happened to be terrible enough in 2002-03 to luck into a top 5 pick in the 2003 LeBron-Carmelo-Dwyane Wade – Chris Bosh sweepstakes.)

Now, I know that hindsight is 20-20, but if you don’t see a pattern of incompetence here, you’re just not trying. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 10 friggin’ years in a row, just kick me in the groin and take my wallet.

A look back at the last 10 years of Nuggets getting owned – by themselves.

1998 – The Nuggets have the 3rd pick in a loaded draft and take…wait for it...wait for it...Raef LaFrentz. The 23 combined All-Star appearances that went after that pick belong to Antawn Jamison, Vince Carter, Dirk Nowitzki, and Paul Pierce respectively. But hey, at least now LaFrentz (last year of $12.7M contract) can clear a bunch of cap space for someone next season!

1999 – No pick. That always makes Draft night fun for the fans.

2000 – Picking 26th, the Nuggets take Mamadou N’Diaye out of Auburn. Who was picked in the second round that year? Michael Redd. Granted, a lot of teams missed the boat on Redd, but Denver followed up the N’Diaye pick with Dan McClintock at 53. McCrappy!

2001 – No first round pick, but they do a bang up job taking Ousmane Cisse at 47. Trying to get lucky on the high school player explosion, Cisse was a decent risk, but turned out to be a bust. Had they but known of his blogging prowess, it would have been nice to see Paul Shirley in that spot.

2002 – Maybe the benchmark of Nuggets draft-day poop storms. Armed with two picks in the top 7 thanks to a trade with New York that jettisoned Antonio McDyess to the Apple, Denver selected Nikoloz Tskitishvili at No. 5 and Nene Hilario at No. 7. Who went at 9 and 10, respectively? Only Amare Stoudamire and Caron Butler. They went on to take the venerable Vincent Yarborough with the 32nd pick, two spots ahead of Carlos Boozer.

Tskitishvili went on to become the poster boy for International workout wonders, who have no business lacing it up in the L. He has career averages of 3.0 points and 1.8 rebounds.

Nene has been productive in his time on the floor. The only problem is he is never healthy enough to be on the floor. His injury history is well-documented and a little sad actually. Hopefully, he recovers from ball cancer and starts dunking on people’s faces again.

2003 – OK, OK. So they get scoring sensation and Mug Shot Hall of Famer Carmelo Anthony with the 3rd pick. But consider this: If Joe Dumars doesn’t have a temporary moment of insanity and doesn’t select Darko Milicic at No. 2, do you think there’s any chance on God’s green Earth that the Nuggets don’t snatch up Darko to pair him with Tskitishvili and Hilario, forming the best “Broken English frontcourt” that the game has ever seen? I say no.

To add insult to further injury, at No. 46 the Nuggs take Sani Becirovic over serviceable NBA players Mo Williams, James Jones and Kyle Korver. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! Enough with the foreign guys already! It’s 5 years ago and it still makes me gnash my teeth!

2004 – Denver gets an absolute GIFT handed to them, when Naismith Player of the Year Jameer Nelson falls into their lap with the 20th pick. For once, they make a smart decision and take Nelson. I’m thinking, OK solid point guard to groom with Carmelo. They’ll be sick in four years. Meer minutes later, of course, Nelson is dealt to Orlando for their first round pick in 2005. Which leads to…

2005 – Still needing a point guard (with Orlando’s pick from 2004) the Nuggets select Julius Hodge, a 6-5 shooting guard (I use the word shooting loosely, as Hodge may have had the worst jumper in the history of game) and try to convert him into a point guard! Brilliant! Hodge would later be the victim of a late-night shooting along a Denver highway, seemingly ending his career before it could start. Not that someone who can’t shoot and can’t handle the ball would have had much chance to thrive.

But it gets worse. Denver didn’t have their own first-round pick that year, because they packaged it in the mind-blowingly stupid decision to acquire Kenyon Martin for $95 million in a sign-and-trade. One public spat with his coach and two microfracture surgeries later, Martin is just now starting to look the part of a productive NBA big man again.

2006 – Still no first-round pick thanks to the Martin deal. But in the second round, a ray of hope. Denver takes Pac 10 Player of the Year Leon Powe at 49. He is immediately traded to Boston for a future second-round pick. Which they either haven’t used yet, or traded to someone for a truck full of those NBA logo socks. The same ones that Charles needs for his footsies.

Powe was a key part of Boston’s bench in winning the title this year, and was the best player on the floor in Game 2. Yeah, the Nuggets couldn’t use a guy like that, could they?

2007 – Pick is forfeited to Philadelphia as part of the Allen Iverson deal. That I can live with. A.I. is one of my few man-crushes.

2008 – Pick traded to Charlotte. So they’ll have two No. 1s sometime in the near future, unless of course, they trade…

Now, can’t you see why I’m tortured?

Ugh! I HATE THE NBA DRAFT!

"I'd Do It Again"

Last Thursday, LeBron lit up the Knicks to the tune of 50 points at the Garden. That’s probably your lead story on SporsCenter. I get that. But as he was leaving the game late in the fourth quarter, a young fan – adorned in a replica James jersey – slipped past security and onto the court, and approached James to profess is adoration for the NBA superstar. He was quickly detained by security and hauled off, and James and the other players were unharmed. How is THIS not the bigger story?

Bizarre enough until you read that the 17-year old fan, Anthony Erskine, doesn’t think that he did anything wrong. He claims to have a “shrine-like” room to LBJ, complete with posters, jerseys and shoes. It probably wouldn’t surprise me to find out he had a letter like this one:

Dear Bron,

I wrote you but you still ain’t callin’
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom,
I sent some pictures back in autumn, you must not have got ‘em,
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin,

I know you hear this all the time, but I’m your biggest fan,
I went to a preseason game and you threw me your sweaty head band,
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures, man
I love you, and I love the Cavs even though they’re horribly ran,

What’s it like being around Ben Wallace now, is he cool?
I can’t wait to meet you and bring you to my school,
I think about you when I’m lonely,
knowing you’re my one and only,

Hit me back Bron, that’s no baloney,
your biggest fan, this is Tony…


OK, so maybe that’s a stretch, and Eminem is a lot better at that than I am, but the fact remains: our obsession with celebrity in this culture is scary. It’s one thing to have a healthy adoration for people that we look up to. But for someone to knowingly dodge security and approach someone he’s never met, and then to think that he did nothing wrong is asinine.

True, Anthony Erskine meant James no harm. And James seemed unfazed by the episode. But I shiver to think that one day, someone not in their right mind, someone with just as unhealthy (or more so) obsession with a celebrity, will walk up on them and kill them on the spot. It happened to John Lennon in 1980. Monica Seles was stabbed by a fan during a tennis match. It’s going to happen again. And it’s going to be equally as tragic. All because we are obsessed with the idea of celebrity.

For now, let’s just hope and pray that Anthony Erskine isn’t going to tie up his pregnant girlfriend in the trunk and drive off of a bridge.

(P.S. I’m not trying to libel Erskine in any way. I’m just using him as an example. I think it’s unnecessary to parade him around through the legal system for this case of simple trespassing, but he needs to understand that what he did wasn’t acceptable under any circumstances. And besides, for all I know, he doesn’t have a girlfriend, and is now and forever devoted to LeBron James.)

Beard Fest!

Before the season, the Wizards’ DeShawn Stevenson started growing a beard. Sounds arbitrary enough until you consider why. The reason? He made a bet with Chicago Bulls forward Drew Gooden to see who could go the longest without shaving his facial hair. The two are good friends ever since their days as AAU teammates and high school rivals in California.

While hanging out in Orlando, where both live in the offseason, the two Rip Van Winkle wannabes made the “friendly” wager, which is really silly when you think that two millionaires have nothing better to do with there money but to bet thousands of dollars to see who can show the most contempt for personal hygiene.

But I digress…

As of now, it looks as if Gooden has a slight edge in length and fullness, but both have said they're in it to win it, with Gooden even saying, "He has no idea how committed I am. I'm more than willing to take this into next season."

Which got me to thinking about the best-ever NBA beards. Obviously, this is just one man's opinion, and I welcome your thoughts about those on (or off) the list.

The Duo – Walt Frazier and Earl Monroe (circa 1973)One of the best backcourt combinations in NBA history should have one of the best beard combos. As “pimpalicious” as anyone in their day “Clyde” and “The Pearl” were for slick facial hair what Teddy Pendergrass and Curtis Mayfield were for smoothed out, baby-making slow jams.

The Lumberjack – Mark Eaton (circa 1988)
Standing 7-4, Mark Eaton was a man-mountain. So it makes sense that he would look like a mountain man. Let’s face it, put a plaid flannel shirt on this guy and give him a pet ox and you’ve got a modern day Paul Bunyan. In Eaton’s defense though, you’ve gotta respect someone who can pull off wearing the most arbitrary number in the history of the league, 53.

The Terrorist – Vladimir Radmanovic (circa 2007)
Let’s hope that passport is updated, Vlad. You don’t really pull off inconspicuous below average NBA player with that look.

The Kung Fu Master – Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (circa 1978)
No real reason to include this one, other than Kareem had a beard. And any chance I get to mention his brilliant performance in the Bruce Lee film “Game of Death,” I’m jumping on.

The Barbarian – Wilt Chamberlain (circa 1984)
Sticking with the movie theme, before I even knew who Wilt Chamberlain was, I knew who Bombaata was. As the renegade Mongolian guardian of Jehna, rightful heiress to the kingdom of Shadazar, Wilt proved quite a formidable foe to Conan in the 1984 movie “Conan The Destroyer.” Only later did I learn that Chamberlain was one of the greatest players in the history of the sport. No matter. His deft use of a mace-axe will be what lingers in my memory forever.

The Hippie – Bill Walton (circa 1977)
Could there be a beard list without Bill Walton? I think not.

The Homeless Crackhead – Rasheed Wallace (circa 2005-2006)
Rasheed grew his playoff beard in 2006 in hopes of getting back to Finals after having lost to San Antonio a year before. Though his intentions were good, the results were not. As his jovial smile and wrecked grill illustrate, you almost expected to see Roscoe standing outside The Palace at Auburn Hills with a sign that reads, “Will Yell At Refs For Food.”

The Chameleon – Scot Pollard (circa 2006)
One of the most recognizable bench players in the history of the league, Pollard’s unique hair and facial decisions is the stuff of legend. During his 10-year career, Pollard has run the gamut of questionable style, including wolfman mutton chops, a shaved bald head, a fu Manchu mustache, long emo hair with bangs, a Chinese top knot, to my personal favorite, the bleached Mohawk double-pronged goatee. Actually, Pollard needs his own column.

The Legend – Teen Wolf (circa 1985)

This beard gets bonus points for its association with the full body hairsuit. As the superstar for the Beacon Town Beavers, Scotty Howard cast his legacy by biting beer cans, doing handstands on the roof of “The Wolfmobile” and breaking fools off on the hardwood.

It's Ladies Night

Or at least for one night. It's made national news, and some of you may already know the story of Britney Griner, a junior at Nimitz High School in Houston. On Feb. 12, Griner dropped a "Dream-like" stat line: 29 points, 13 rebounds, 11 blocks and 9 assists, just missing out on the elusive quadruple double.

Impressive enough, until you consider that the 6-8 (that's right) Griner dunked twice in the game. She's already committed to playing her college basketball at Baylor University. Much love, Britney. Keep doing what you do.

NOTE: Though it's a nice story, sadly, in five or six years, you'll never hear about Britney Griner anymore. Such is life in the WNBA, as this clip so hilariously illustrates:




(Sorry ladies. But c'mon, that's funny!)

Hello Cleveland! Rock and Roll!

AP Photo/Mark Duncan

Now THAT's what a trade deadline should look like! Since late November, there have been 14 deals involving 54 players. And we have one person to thank for all of that action: Kwame Brown!

Had the Creator not blessed such a lifeless, talentless ninny with a 6-11, 270 lbs. shell, NBA general managers never would have the desire to actually trade for Brown, hoping that their situation will be the one to finally harness his potential and turn him into a 10-time All-Star. The Pau Gasol for Brown-Crittenton heist that the Lakers pulled off set off a feeding frenzy of players swapping uniforms, future draft picks, and cash considerations.

The West is now more open than Kobe's teammates during his 81-point game last year. The Lakers obviously improved with Gasol. Kurt Thomas will make the Spurs better and tougher. We have to wait and see with the Suns Shaq experiment, as well as with Jason Kidd's return to Dallas. Utah's acquisition of sharpshooter Kyle Korver makes them incredibly balanced on offense and an intriguing darkhorse.

However, the most signficant trade was the last one completed, a three-team swap that FINALLY got King James some help in Cleveland. The details:

Cleveland trades Ira Newble and Donyell Marshall to Seattle
Chicago trades Ben Wallace, Joe Smith and a 2009 second-round pick to Cleveland; Seattle trades Wally Szczerbiak and Delonte West to Cleveland
Cleveland sends Larry Hughes, Drew Gooden, Cedric Simmons, and Shannon Brown to Chicago
Chicago sends Adrian Griffin to Seattle.

What makes this a great trade for Cleveland is not necessarily what they are getting back. It's what they're getting rid of. Shedding Larry Hughes (a less than 40 percent shooter) and his $40 million over the next three years contract of the books now allows LeBron to pass the ball to someone who might actually knock down shots (Wally, Delonte West).

Cleveland also gets rid of Drew Gooden, who is more famous for his homeless beard and bizarre back-of-the-head soul patch than for actually getting a rebound or making a layup. He is replaced by Joe Smith, whose consistency will be much appreciated. Ben Wallace will body up on the opposition's top post player, allowing Zydrunas Ilgauskus to stay out of foul trouble and on the floor.

If you've been paying attention this year, you've seen LeBron make yet another leap, from unguardable superstar to utterly dominant offensive juggernaut. He alone got his Cavs to the Finals last year. The new guys will come in and play consistent basketball. They will do their jobs and not seek credit or attention.

For the past two years, like all of us, the other 11 members of the Cleveleand Cavs have been "Witnesses" to LeBron's greatness. Now, they could most certainly be accomplices to his takeover to the title.

So thanks again, Kwame Brown. Now go practice catching the ball.

A Lesson In Class

(AP Photo/David Zalubowski)

When you hear "Jordan" and "50 point-game" in the same sentence, your mind automatically defaults to His Airness, who did the deed more than a few times in his illustriousl career. But a Google search of those terms will bring up a more recent listing.

On Feb. 8, Denver Nuggets forward Carmelo Anthony netted a career-high 49 points versus the Washington Wizards, coached by Eddie Jordan. Following the game, the big story wasn't Melo's effort, nor the Nuggets 111-100 win. Reportedly, Jordan was upset that Anthony checked back into the game with six mintes left in the fourth quarter, thinking that the Nuggets were trying to embarrass his team.

"I thought it was very classless to close the game out," Jordan said. "I have my opinion. I can say what I want to say. That's what I thought it was."

The kicker? The Nuggets were only up by 10 points when Anthony returned! A lead like that is NOTHING in the NBA.

So here's a message for Eddie Jordan: JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!

In the final minute, Anthony drained a three-pointer from the top of the key to give him 47 points. On the next possession, he was fouled and made two free throws. When the Nuggets got the ball back one more time, giving Anthony the chance to reach the milestone point total, Jordan actually instructed his squad to double- and triple-team Anthony to prevent him from getting the ball.

And the Nuggets are classless? Here's one: If you don't want one of the most prolific scorers in the league to go off against you, don't wait until he already has 49 points to decide to put more than a single single defender on him. For the game, Anthony shot a blistering 19-25 and made all eight free throw attempts. (Notice they were playing him man up the whole game, until the end)

I'm sure that Jordan didn't mind when his own player Gilbert Arenas dropped 60 and 54 points on the Suns and Lakers in consecutive games last year. Jordan needs to learn to be a man and take his whuppin' when it comes to him.

I Feel Like I'm Taking Crazy Pills!

When I first heard the rumors that Shaquille O’Neal was heading to Phoenix, I had the same thoughts as everyone else: “You mean that Shaquille O’Neal, and those Phoenix Suns. Steve Kerr is a moron! That’s about as likely to work out as the Grizzlies trading their franchise player for Kwame Brown.” (Wait, what? You’re kidding!)

We’ve heard it all before about “The Big Osteoporosis.” He’s out of shape. True. He’s a shell of his former self. True. He can’t run the floor anymore. True. Besides, didn’t the Suns already try the obese center routine with limited success in the past?

But as I’ve had a few days to ruminate on the acquisition, I’m starting to believe it might actually work. Let’s face it, the Suns only chance to win in the playoffs this year was to beat San Antonio or Dallas or anyone else with their own style of play, the uptempo “Seven Seconds Or Less” mentality. It hasn’t worked in the past, so why are we to think it will work this year?

In getting Shaq, they accomplish two things. One, they get rid of malcontent Shawn Marion, who despite all of his considerable skills, never really took to playing the third wheel to Steve Nash and Amare Stoudamire. And two, they now have the most physical center in the league to guard the likes of Tim Duncan and Yao Ming and Andrew Bynum and Carlos Boozer. Because as any fan of basketball will tell you, Amare can’t. Period.

So will Shaq come in and shed 30 pounds and run the floor like a deer and get back to his 25 and 10 ways? No. That train sailed long ago. But do the Suns need him to do that? Again, no. Will he come in and loosen up the locker room, and motivate Amare to dominate in the post, and muscle up with all the bigs in the West, and rebound and block shots, and start the Suns vaunted fast-break with pinpoint outlet passes, and hammer home every quick dish off that Nash gives him in the paint? Yeah, he will.

I’m not gonna sit here and say it will be enough to win the West. The Suns will need to find a reliable (I said reliable Raja Bell, pipe down) third scorer to replace what Matrix gave them. But I think with one blockbuster move, they are closer to a title now than they were a week ago.

Most importantly, the Diesel knows his role.

“I’m no idiot. I’m not coming in here to try and take over,” he said. “I’ll fit in very, very nicely – rebounding, on outlets, setting picks for Steve, getting easy buckets, playing some defense… That’s what I aim to do.”

It will certainly be fun to watch...

Andrew D. Bernstein/NBAE/Getty Images

The Writers' Strike Can't Touch These Awards...

All-Star Weekend, Feb. 15-17 marks the “unofficial” halfway point of the NBA season. But with most teams having played 41 out of 82 games, the regular season is sadly half over. I won’t bore you with my MVP, Coach and Rookie awards of the midseason. Who am I kidding, yeah I will. Pundits and non-experts alike will agree with most of these picks. There’s no real mystery here:

MVP – Kobe Bryant
Coach of the Year – Nate McMillan
Rookie of the Year – Kevin Durant
Biggest surprise – New Orleans Hornets (above)
Biggest disappointment – Chicago Bulls

That said, it’s time to hand out some fictitious hardware, cuz that’s always fun, right?

In & Out Cheeseburger Award – Marcus Camby, Nuggets.
On Jan. 17 vs. Utah, Camby had the most “Animal Style” double-double of the year, posting 24 rebounds and 11 blocks. He leads the league in rebounds and blocks, and has reached 20+ rebounds a whopping 10 times this year. The man eats glass like he’s trying to set a weird Guiness record.

Thank God I Had the No. 10 Pick In My Fantasy Draft This Year Award – Chris Paul, Hornets. Woe to those fantasy owners who took Gilbert Arenas, or Dirk Nowitzki, or Yao Ming with their top pick this year. The steal of all drafts has been Paul, who is first in all draft rankings at this point in the season. (And yes, I own him. And no, he’s not going anywhere…)

Hottest Spaniard Since Penelope Cruz Award – Jose Calderon, Raptors.

There were many who even before the year thought that Calderon should have been starting for the Raptors. T.J. Ford’s unfortunate neck injury made it a moot point, and Calderon has done nothing to disappoint. He leads the league in assist/turnover ratio at 5.54, and has averaged 14 points and 10 assists in January.

The Nene Hilario Can’t Stay Healthy Award – Nene, Nuggets.

After missing six weeks earlier this season with a broken thumb, sadly Nene was again sidelined with what turned out to be testicular cancer. ESPN analyst J.A. Adande recently wrote a telling column about the tragedy of such a talented player being betrayed by his gift – his own body. Our thoughts and prayers for a speedy recovery. When he’s healthy, there isn’t a more beastly big man in the league at coming off the pick and roll. See for yourself.

The David Hasselhoff Most Unexpected Comeback Award – Joe Smith, Bulls.

A former No. 1 pick with the Warriors in 1995, Smith has been an NBA journeyman since 2000, logging minutes with the Timberwolves, Bucks, Pistons, Nuggets, Sixers and Bulls. His numbers aren’t staggering (10.5 ppg / 5 rebs), but Smith has played well enough to keep talented youngsters Tyrus Thomas and Joakim Noah on the bench.

The What Did I Do To Deserve This? Award – Paul Davis, Clippers.

Davis was a decent player at Michigan State. He was drafted in the second round in 2006 by the Clippers and has done nothing of significance in the League. But one has to wonder whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing that this is what he’s most famous for – getting dunked on by Dwyane Wade for Gatorade’s benefit.


The Wait A Second, who Dropped 40 Points? Award – Linas Kleiza, Nuggets.

In the same game vs. Utah in which Camby went nutty, Kleiza did as well, shooting 13-21, including four 3-pointers en route to 41 points. He added nine rebounds in the contest. Kleiza has filled in admirably for an injured Carmelo Anthony recently, scoring 20+ points in three of his last five games.

The Kevin Costner Fallen Star Award – Steve Francis, Rockets.

In the early 90s, was there a bigger movie star on the planet than Costner, who pumped out Dances With Wolves, Field of Dreams, Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves, and JFK to name a few. Now? Nothing.

The same could once be said for “Stevie Franchise,” who from 1999-2005 averaged approximately 19 point, 6 rebounds and 6 assists on the daily. He was an explosive offensive force and potential Hall of Famer. But after burning bridges in Orlando and New York, Francis returned to Houston and has gotten run in 10 games this season, but none since Dec. 15. Good thing he got that $30M buyout from Portland earlier this summer. More like Stevie Fran-cheese!

The Mary Kate and Ashely Most Annoying Twins Award – Jason (Nets) and Jarron (Jazz) Collins. Jarron is averaging 2.1 points and 1.9 rebounds per game. Jason is averaging 1.3 points and 2.1 rebounds per game. Really? Do we need the Collins Twins taking up roster spots in the league? Did these guys each get only one half of the talent of actual person? NBA: Where splitting human embryos happens.

The “Samson” Award For Beard Strength – Baron Davis, Warriors.

Baron Davis started growing a beard two years ago. Before that time, basketball card manufacturers were actually printing Baron Davis – INJ on his cards. Harnessing the strength tantamount to the long-haired Biblical strongman, Davis’ 20-point, 8 assist per game averages over the last two years have helped Golden State’s resurgence. Many will speculate about the turnaround, but I have my own theory.

The “My Super Sweet 16” Award For Spoiled Brats – Stephon Marbury, Knicks.

The drama with the Knicks, and with Marbury specifically, has gone from the ridiculous to the surreal. From public feuds with his coaches Larry Brown and now Isaiah Thomas, inexplicably leaving the team upon finding that he was being removed from the starting lineup, reportedly threatening to blackmail Thomas if he wasn’t inserted as a starter, to admitting to luring a young Knicks intern into his car for a sexual encounter, Steph needs to drop the entitled millionaire, Veruca Salt act and fast. Recent surgery on his ankle will keep him out indefinitely, but upon his return, for whatever team it may be, NBA fans are begging him to just play ball and make shoes.

The “Arrested Development” Better Enjoy It While It Lasts Award – New Orleans Hornets. After beating Denver last night, the Hornets now sit atop the Western Conference with a 32-12 record. Chris Paul is a legit MVP candidate. Tyson Chandler is playing the best basketball of his career. Peja Stojakovic is back to being Peja Stojakovic. And David West is a potential All-Star and still one of the more underrated players in the league. And guess what? It might not matter if the organization decides to relocate.

Despite re-signing a leasing agreement with the State of Louisiana that would keep the team in New Orleans until 2014, the team can opt out of that lease if certain attendance figures aren’t met. Owner George Shinn has expressed his desire to keep the team in the Big Easy, but it’s understandable that the people of New Orleans might not see spending money to support an NBA franchise as a top priority. Even still, CP3 and Co. has made the rest of the league stand up and take notice, and should be applauded.

The “Movin’ On Up” Award – Al Jefferson, Timberwolves.

Appropriately, there’s another Jefferson who’s finally got a piece of the pie, and it’s not George or Wheezy. Big Al has become one of the best low post scorers in the Association. If he played in the Eastern Conference, he’d be an All-Star for sure. After having a mini-breakout last season, he’s ballin’ to the tune of 21 and 12, with 1.3 blocks this campaign. On Jan. 23 against Phoenix, Jefferson dropped 39 points and had 15 rebounds. Four nights later, he went one better, netting a career-high 40 points and grabbing 19 boards. Yeah, I think it’s safe to say he’s arrived and Minnesota has found its next franchise player.

And just because it’s fun to play devil’s advocate, Kevin Garnett is only averaging 19 points and 10 rebounds this year. I’m just saying…

Enjoy the second half, kids.

Where "Being The Coolest Cat On The Planet And Not Just Because You Play Professional Basketball" Happens

By now, if you know me, or if by chance you have nothing better to do with your life and you've read this blog, you know about my full-fledged man-crush on Phoenix Suns guard Steve Nash. And I have my reasons. It's not just because he's a huge soccer fan. It's not just because he's a two-time MVP. It's not just because he plays basketball the way it is supposed to be played. It's not even because he's one of the genuinely nice professional athletes that I've gotten to interview.

It's because Steve Nash is a chameleon. A jack-of-all-trades. It's because he embodies what humanity should try to embody in life: creativity, hard work, a sense of humor, perserverance, having fun, humility.

I'm not trying to sit here on my little soapbox and tell you why you should like Steve Nash. (And I know I'm getting a little YouTube video crazy lately with these posts.) But do me a favor. Take a moment to watch these three videos and then ask yourself, "What's NOT to like?"

WINNING THE JIM CARREY IN DUMB & DUMBER LOOK-A-LIKE CONTEST


BREAKIN' ANKLES ON THE HARDWOOD AND ON THE PITCH



NEVER SAYING THE WORD "NEVER"




EY + SN = Forever! I heart you Stevie!

Remember The "Ty-tan"

With a 93-81 win over UNC-Asheville, my beloved North Carolina Tar Heels improved their record to 16-0 and finished the non-conference season unscathed. They have been ranked No. 1 in the country since the preseason, and now sit atop the list of only five undefeated teams.

Point guard Ty Lawson drives the speedboat, and 2-guard Wayne Ellington as improved markedly from from last year, as he is armed with one of the smoothest strokes in the country. But the one who makes it all go is Tyler Hansbrough.

Yada, yada, yada, we've all heard it before. Hansbrough this, Hansbrough that. The truth is, he's the most polarizing figure in college basketball. The lovers will go on and on about his work ethic (which is the best in the country) and his intensity and his incomparable production. The haters will berate him for his sometimes reckless play in the post, and the fact that he often seems out of control.

And you know what? They're both right. For all of his domination, Hansbrough still has a lot to learn about basketball. He's horrendous at passing out of a double-team, and often forces shots while trying to get fouls called with his bullish style. But that said, if you think he's nothing more than a glorified Mark Madsen, you're sadly mistaken. I've never seen Madsen do this. Or this. Or certainly this (yes, you saw right. That guy really is 7-7!)

The big argument is not whether or not Hansbrough will be an All-American (which he will) or lead Carolina to its second title in four years (which he should), the question is what kind of pro will he be?

My answer to that question is: why does it matter? Why not just enjoy the passion and intensity with which he plays the game now? Why not enjoy the 360s and the dunks over giants? Why not enjoy watching him get his nose broken and pop right back up? And why not enjoy watching him rip his protective facemask off and drop 33 and 9 on Michigan State in the NCAA Tournament?

Tyler Hansbrough is a special college basketball player. And love him or hate him, you'll always remember him.

(For the record, I'm not dodging the inevitable NBA question. I think Hansbrough will have a solid career. Never an All-Star. Always a contributor. Think Sam Perkins, or Rik Smits - although Smits was named to one All-Star team.)

Return To Rip City

Sam Forencich/NBAE/Getty Images

November 14. November 14 is the last time I posted on this "all-inclusive NBA Blog." That's pathetic. I resolve to write more this year. And to drop that holiday weight. And to stop kidnapping transient hobos.

While November 14 is significant to me in that it was the last time I got inspired to natter on about the greatest game in the world, that day is significant to the Portland Trailblazers for a different reason. That was the day that they began a stretch when they lost 9 out of 10 games, pushing their record to 5-12, and making long suffering Blazers fans start the countdown to the Oden Era.

Since then, something remarkable has happened. As if summoning the Rose Garden ghosts of great Blazers of the past, Portland has inexplicably rattled off 14 out of 15 wins, including an NBA-best 13 straight games this season. They now sit mere percentage points behind Denver for first place in the Northwest Division, and have come together as a team to make an early-season playoff push.

Rather than harkening the "curse" of Portland big men, perhaps Oden's knee injury is a blessing in disguise. Maybe the team is learning how to be a team and not rely on "the Saviour-in-No. 1-draft-pick's-clothing."

All this Blazers talk has inspired me to share quite possibly the greatest 80s promotional video in the world, "Bust A Bucket." There's more unexpected comedy in this than can even be imagined. And just when you think it can't get weirder, they bust out the silly string! And yes, that is Terry Porter in a red and yellow jogging suit. And double yes, Jerome Kersey now has a new legacy. Amazing pipes on that guy! Enjoy everyone, and remember:

"Bust a bucket, who'd a dunk it, Blazer duty, super sunk it, slamin' geez it, killer threes it, go up, get it, got it, good!"