N-B-A to Z

Smack dab in the middle of the NFL season, one of the greatest things in life happened. Basketball is back, baby. Though the2008-09 NBA season is already three weeks young, I thought I’d give my annual preview. Will the C's repeat? No. Will the Global Icon take home the MVP? Yes. Will Shaq lead the league in amazing quotes? Of course. Here are a few more random thoughts on the L. This time, I’m rolling it out Sesame Street style.


A: Artest. He’s exactly what they needed, but can he keep the crazy bottled up long enough to help Houston contend for a title? Everyone is talking about the Rockets as a sleeper this year. They’ve got 3 of the Top 25 players in the league on their roster. Believe me, no one is napping .


B: Beards! Spurs coach Greg Popovich is the early season leader for Beard of the Year. Old guy beard for an old guy team. It’s a perfect fit.


C: College All-Star team, as in exactly what the Charlotte Bobcats are. Just look at their roster. Emeka Okafor, Sean May, Raymond Felton, Adam Morrison, DJ Augustin, Jared Dudley. Not bad, right? But with no experience and no chemistry, they’ll struggle. Again. Have fun Larry Brown!


D: Depth for Days, as in the Los Angeles Lakers bench. With a healthy Andrew Bynum in tow, the Lakers can trot out: Jordan Farmar, Sasha Vujacic, Luke Walton, Lamar Odom, and Trevor Ariza on their second unit. That team could beat the Bobcats, Grizzlies, and Thunder themselves. Oh yeah, the Lakers also have the best player on the planet in their arsenal. Anything less than a championship this year is a disappointment. Period.


E: Europe. What’s the chance that more and more players start pulling a reverse-Beckham and heading overseas to play in the Euroleague? Former Hawk Josh Childress already did the deed, as has been well documented. Even Kobe and LeBron have made statements about playing in Europe if they are offered contracts in the €30 million/year range (roughly $38M). Will they? Highly unlikely. But don’t be surprised if you start to see aging NBA stars take the euros and run, in their last attempt to cash a huge paycheck.

(I’m talking to you Shaq. And Steph. And Jason Kidd.)


F: Free Throws, as in they can kill your fantasy team if you draft Dwight Howard. Sure, he’s the hands down best center in the league, but is he worth wasting a first-round pick on in order to punt a category? I don’t have him, so I could care less. Don’t say I didn’t warn you though.


G: German Engineering. Believe it or not, the Mavericks will run less with Jason Kidd in tow this year. He’s much better in the halfcourt than the player he was traded for, Devin Harris, which means a big year for Dirk Nowitzki. Get ready to see more post play from the best shooting 7-footer in the league’s history. Huge numbers for Dirk. Deutsche Bank on it.


H: Hijacked, as in exactly what happened to the fine people of Seattle, when their beloved Sonics were stolen away from them and dropped into the middle of…Oklahoma? Take solace though. Vengeance will be yours when the Grizzlies relocate to The Emerald City in a few years. Just think, OJ Mayo in his prime. OJ Mayo in his prime. OJ Mayo in…


I: Ink, as in tattoos. I’m not really going out on a limb that the Denver Nuggets have more tattoos per player than any team in the history of the league. From K-Mart, to Melo, to JR Smith, and even A.I. when he was there, it’s preposterous how much ink is flowing through their veins. Even their white guy looks like this.


J: Jump, as in these are the guys who will make the jump from good young players to superstars this year: Rudy Gay, Danny Granger, Deron Williams, Kevin Durant, Joe Johnson, Al Jefferson, Andre Iguodala.


K: King James. I’ve been calling for it for the last two years now, but this is the year LeBron wins the MVP. He’s the most difficult matchup since MJ, and after being so close the last two seasons is beyond hungry to lead his team to glory.

L: Last Chance, as in the last chance for the Pistons to win a title with their current roster. An influx of young talent (Rodney Stuckey, Amir Johnson, Jason Maxiell) will certainly help, but if A.I., Rip, ‘Sheed and Tayshaun can’t get it done this year, expect Deee-trooooit Baskeeeet-baaaaall to have a whole new look in 2009-10.


M:Madison Square Garden will once again be filled with cheering Knicks fans, as Mike D’Antoni’s system does wonders for the careers of Jamal Crawford, David Lee, Nate Robinson, and surprisingly, Zach Randolph. A playoff appearance is not out of the question. They DO play in the East, remember.


N: New, as in the incredible amount of new talent in the league this year. From Mayo to Michael Beasley, to Kevin Love, to Eric Gordon, to Derrick Rose, to Greg Oden, this year’s crop of rookies could turn out to be one of the best ever. And I didn’t even mention the Lopez sisters!


O: Old, as in the San Antonio Spurs. Here’s how the Spurs roster looks age wise: Bruce Bowen (37), Tim Duncan (32), Michael Finley (35), Manu Ginobli (31), Francisco Oberto (33), Kurt Thomas (36), Jacque Vaughn (33). I’m sorry, that’s not an NBA team, that’s the cast of Cocoon in basketball years. Yeah, I’d say the Spurs Championship Boat has sailed. Who’s up for a game of chess in the park?


P: Phoenix, but not what you’re thinking. This phoenix will rise from the ashes and re-emerge as the game’s most clutch performer, as Dwyane Wade leads the Miami Heat back to prominence and a playoff appearance. I mean, did you SEE him in Beijing? Best player on the floor. In every game. Even the ones he didn’t play in.


Q: Quest, as in quest for a championship. Since Ray Ray, Big Ticket and the Truth all got their title last year (just an quick aside: doesn’t Ray Ray, Big Ticket, and the Truth sound like ambiguous hip-hop artists in a Wu-Tang Clan-style supergroup?) the best “players who never won a title” are now JKidd, Steve Nash, Allen Iverson, Baron Davis, Jermaine O’Neal, and Raef LaFrentz. Just checking to see if you’re still with me. Sadly, unless some kind of minor miracle happens, neither of those guys will get to hold the Larry O’Brien this season either.


R: Razors, as in new look haircuts for Carmelo Anthony and Adam Morrison. Let’s hope, for Morisson’s sake, that he can have a reverse Samson- like revival. He gets a trim and all of a sudden starts playing like a lottery pick again.


S: Spanish Conquistadors. Pau Gasol could win a title this season. Jose Calderon could lead the league in assists. And forget Greg Oden, Rudy Fernandez is the rookie that is gonna make Blazers fans feel all warm and cozy in their fuzzy flannel shirts. With Espana’s win in the Euro 2008 and Rafael Nadal’s dominance on the tennis court, Spain has become the new America! Let’s go grab some tapas.


T: Trades. The season is only three weeks old and there has already been one blockbuster move, with the Pistons acquiring Allen Iverson from the Nuggets for Chauncey Billups, Antonio McDyess (who has since been bought out), and Cheik Samb. The move has immediately helped Denver, as they finally have the natural point guard that coach George Karl has long craved. Since CB4’s (I guess now it’s CB7) arrival, the Nuggs are 7-1. He has stabilized a frantic offense and has given them a more defensive presence.

Meanwhile, the Pistons are 4-3 with “Chuck” in tow, but two of those wins have been prominent. They snapped Cleveland’s 8-game win streak, and handed the Lakers their first loss of the season in a 106-95 drubbing. With Detroit likely dismantling its roster after this season, having one of the game’s best scorers in crunch time might help them outlast the Cavs and Celtics in the East.


U: Utah, as in the only place the Jazz can actually win games. Deron Williams, Carlos Boozer and company were an astounding 37-4 on their home court, but a paltry 17-24 on the road. Must be all of that alcohol that they can actually drink when outside of the Beehive State that keeps them off of their game. They are still undoubtedly one of the best teams in the West, but learning to win on the road will be key to their title aspirations.


V: Vinny Del Negro (aka Vinny Del Fuego, Vinny Del Torcho) is back in our lives, thankfully! As head coach of the Chicago Bulls, the popular former shooting guard gets to lead a young, athletic bunch of upstarts. God Bless you, John Paxson. You made the right decision.


W: Williams. Williams has become the new Smith, so to speak, with a league-high nine players sporting the popular surname. From All-Stars (Deron) to lottery picks (Marvin, Jason), to great role players (Sean, Marcus, Mo), to crappy former Dookies (Shelden), this group has it all. Speaking of Shelden, he has officially become the first man in the history of the league to not even be the best basketball player in his own relationship.


X: X, as in the Xavier University tattoo adorning the arm of New Orleans Hornets power forward David West, who emerged as one of the league’s up and coming 4s last year. His play, along with a near MVP performance from Chris Paul, made the Hornets the league’s best story. He will be a major “X Factor” as well this year, as they try to win the loaded Western Conference.


Y: Yi, as in Jianlian. Just wanted to let you know that he is, in fact, still in the league, after being traded to the Nets. He goes from being the tallest Asian man in Wisconsin, to the tallest Asian man in New Jersey. Moving on up.


Z: Zero, as in zero chance that Agent Zero can help the Washington Wizards until January. It might not even matter, as the Wiz haven’t shown enough consistency to advance past the second round of the playoffs. But it could also work to Gilbert’s advantage, as he seems to thrive when people hate on him. And there’s a grip of haters out there right now, because of Hibachi’s bum knee.